Breathe, Show up, Laugh, You’re on the Right Track

Right before Christmas, I quit my job. Who does, that? The situation I created for myself drug me down like a sinking stone until I recognized that I have been going after jobs that I hate while convincing myself how much I loved them. That’s why its so important to just do it, because you can create a situation where you can see things you never saw before. So Nike was onto something after all.

Loving cars means work in the car industry, right?

I love cars. Seriously LOVE. I drive my Cadillac ATS-V at high performance track events, read Car & Driver, and lust after the McLaren 12C. I even use #cargirl on Instagram. I was a Product Specialist at Cadillac, and loved teaching our salespeople and customers about the technology. I was great at it, but after two years I was a little bored and ready to move on to something else. I didn’t know that something else would be in another field entirely.

I thought my next challenge would be selling cars. So I worked at two different car dealerships. One was for two weeks and I sold a car my first day on the floor! Woohoo, I can do this! The management was an issue, so I found another dealership with great management and wonderful growth potential.

Hello logic, this is awesome! Or is it?

When I found myself trying to hold back tears on the second day, I had to ask myself what the hell was going on. I seemingly had everything I was asking for, but I had convinced myself that’s what I wanted. The fit was all wrong and my emotions were telling me something was off.

I went to my car to let the tears flow and send a desperate text a friend, asking what is going on with me and why can’t I just do this?! She asked me what my heart knew without the whispers from my bank account. The slow realization washed over my brain that I was trying so hard to fight- this is not going to work.

I remembered some interesting things that happened the previous week, and all the information was there. While waiting to hear back after interviews, I went to Starbucks and told myself I was a writer for the next hour. I was so happy, it felt so good! Then, I looked at my bank account and accepted the sales position. I just wanted to put my big girl panties on, get a job, pay my bills, and be happy. I was being reactionary. I was not creating.

It became more and more obvious with each passing minute until it was laughable. I thought I was eating the most decadent piece of chocolate cake, only to see that it was actually a pickle with icing on it.

What an aligned choice feels like

I went to clock out for lunch and my employee number didn’t exist in the system. I had used it that morning so if that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is. I took an hour to think it over. My brain was screaming at me that quitting was the stupidest thing I could ever do.  My heart begged me not to go back. If I thought I could endure, I totally would have. I couldn’t delude myself any longer, and it was painfully obvious this wasn’t going to work.

I quit that day. I told my wonderful manager “I just realized this wasn’t for me and I’m sorry I wasted your time.” He was confused, but ultimately had that human understanding of you have to do what’s best for you. Early on in my consciousness journey, I would have stayed in that job for months or years convincing myself that I liked it, had to do it. Change had come, and the old way wasn’t working. I walked out feeling total peace and breathing relief.

I had no idea how I was going to pay my upcoming bills. It also would have been logical to keep doing that job while finding another. Logical wasn’t really working anymore. I had a passing thought: If I’m going to go 5-6 days a week doing something 10 hours a day, I need to love it. If I was willing to do that for cars, what would it be like to do that for my writing career?

I completely rewrote my resume focusing on the writing aspects of previous positions, really having no idea what being paid to write looks like. I had occasional panic attacks over the next couple days. I found writing jobs to apply for, and I applied for them whether I felt qualified or not. I also painted.

Breathe, show up, laugh, you’re on the right track. 

I applied for eight or so writing jobs on the morning of Christmas Eve, and the phone rang unexpectedly a little before noon. I got an interview! I started the following Monday writing about furniture. When you’re aligned, things can happen really fast. My choice seems so long ago now, and the drama around it so unnecessary. I’m finishing up my third week there, and I have fun and don’t dread going to work. Today, I am a writer.

If you are asking yourself the question “Should I quit my job and do what I love?” no one can answer that for you. You know what’s best for you. I do recommend asking better questions. What do I love to do? What would it take to make money doing that? What would I really like my life to be like? What energies would I like to have in my life? Universe, show me. Then, you can do and move toward things that match that energy. It’s a wonderful and sometimes messy road, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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